It's in their words – when they're not watching. "I have to", "I have obligations", "it's my duty". They've convinced themselves that it's what they want. And they do. They're not wrong.
As if living by obligation is some kind of higher order that only mature and responsible people are capable of.
Desire, wanting, is labeled selfishness, immaturity, irresponsibility. To be a part of a debt-world you have to owe, repay, serve. Not just financially but especially psychologically.
And these are the only two polarities known to this mindset. And so, rather than be selfish, irresponsible, inconsiderate, you'd rather suffer, postpone life for later, keep doing things you hate doing — or think you're serving some higher purpose by suffering.
You've convinced your self that it's moral – the "right thing to do". Belief has to come first, to grab the psyche, to lock the heart in. To block the sun out. Then it's easy to sway the will; it's normalized to live in the grey zone. Not "too" anything.
Eros, innocence and desire have been killed in the middle zone. Long ago. They are slain from the start, right when we waltz into this world, for most of us. They become twisted concepts, dirty, immoralized. Children start being miniature adults and they are praised for it instead of mourning the adulteration.
But the world we inherit was never a death sentence. It was never the cause, the origin. It just serves what we want to experience.
Doing what you want, serving what you choose with your whole being, is a different world altogether. It means your heart is your sun, your compass, your total commitment. It means you are fully responsible for your choices — even the ones you made unconsciously, even those you're not yet sure why you made. You don't blame anyone, you don't crucify your self to a life of suffering.
You commit fully, by choice. In radical honesty and transparency, because you have nothing to hide. There's nothing to control, fear, or postpone, because you're genuine, authentic, guiltless.
The state is so alien to most people that it's like trying to describe a different galaxy to people who still believe the sun revolves around the Earth — that the Earth is the center of the solar system. Like man sits at the center of their god's creation.
So language doesn't cut it. Not only that, but you can't find it either — share it, cultivate it — as all mastering happens. No texts, no pointers, no shared experiences to build on. By design.
So you won't go wandering too far off, unable to find your way back. As long as you want to find your way back, you are able to. Always. As often as you want. Because this universe is built from desire, is run by eros, and evolves in innocence. I can just imagine how this might land…
"The final stage of awakening"? It's always interesting to find such declarations in the public domain. None of them are true. You can't go there.
Not because "it's a secret". Not because there are guards at the door. There's no actual prison you're kept inside.
It's all your own setup. Our own setup. On a much deeper level you've set boundaries, you've left your self breadcrumbs, so that you will find your way back, no matter where you go, what you do. No matter how convincingly you've forgotten. For as long as you need to, for as long as you want to.
Remember "want"? That's your deepest heart-wanting, your deepest desire — the one your personality doesn't have the willpower to erase, can't touch. You made sure of that. To allow experience, to birth creation, to know the totality inside the partial.
There's a "line" you cross, a threshold, a "river" (there's no actual imagery for this) after which words don't make sense, form dissolves, concepts fade. No possible pointers available. We cross it coming in. We cross it going out. Not "at death" — because what people imagine doesn't exist. Only when we're finally done with circling, returning, continuing.
There are questions we can't answer while here. And it's not "mystical". Some are answered only after the experience, after the becoming. Because knowing — the mind's knowing — comes only after embodiment, after beingness. But that doesn't stop us from asking — seriously, innocently, openly — like children do. The very act of aporia refines attention, keeps us centered in the heart, stills and frees the mind, keeping it clean.
